Spock's Exhaustive Guide to Baby and Child Care
by Botsey
Summary: He has commanded a star ship, is he up to a baby sitting detail...Ummm


Dear Reader:

If you have not read Christine's Story, this account is a little side trip from Chapter fourteen of that narrative.

**Prologue**

Spock approached his wife and announced. "This morning I will watch our sons so that you and Christine can go to the dressmaker.

Christine and Lo'vaak's wedding was fast approaching and the dressmaker wanted to give Christine her first fitting, so this offer was most welcome, as a matter of fact, Nyota was overwhelmed. It was not as if Spock was not the most attentive of husbands and a wonderful father, but, he had never attempted to watch their sons alone. Certain aspects of infant care might still be 'foreign' to him, so she said, "Sweetie, are you certain you are able to handle them?

Standing regally before her he said, "Nyota, I have observed you for the past weeks. You are extremely efficient in your duties as mother of our sons. I am aware you have pumped breast milk in the stasis. Our sons are presently asleep and although I had no siblings, I have noted the needs of infants and the skills necessary for their care. It is based on those facts that I request that you take time to assist Christine. I certainly feel I am as capable of taking care of our sons, as I am of taking care of a star ship.

Nyota was very much amused, and thought to herself, 'My dear experienced first officer of a star ship, a ship does not howl when hungry, nor does it need a diaper change' With that she contacted Christine and she indicated she would pick her up. As Nyota exited the door she said, "If you have a problem, just contact me."

Masculine pride, be that as it may, came raging forth-his thought being, 'My dear a'duna, there will be no need to contact you. I am thoroughly capable of carrying out this minor duty' Or so he envisioned. But he said, "I hope your excursion will aid in the success of Christine and Lo'vaak's day.

Upon her return home, Nyota tip-toed into the nursery area. Seated on a chair was a totally disheveled Spock, his now sleeping sons in his arms. His body language spoke of utter frustration. On her husband's chest there appeared various deposit usually associated with burps and their aftermath. One of the twin's diaper's tab was unfastened and it hung precariously to the side. Nyota suppressed a giggle.

He looked up and said, "My wife, I will never again underestimate your role as infant care giver. Nyota gently took care of Kov's diaper and then placed him and then his brother into their respective cribs. She then sat on Spock's lap and finger-combed his tousled hair. He responded as she kissed him and then he asked, "Nyota, how are you able to accomplish everything necessary for me, our sons and this home?"

She smiled and hugged him even tighter and said, "Maybe we females have it programmed into a manual in our DNA."

His simple response was, "Perhaps, we males need a manual."

One of the boys whimpered and Nyota gave Spock a quick peck on the cheek and went to check on their son.

As she is cuddled the baby, Spock headed toward his office with a singular purpose in mind. The results of his efforts appear below:

**Spock's Exhaustive Guide to Baby and Child Care**

**Chapter 1**

First a word of caution…

First, it should be noted that expertise in this matter is only obtained through many trials. The instructions contained in this pamphlet will not prevent all discomfort, embarrassment, surprise and disgust at some of your progenies purely natural or acquired activities. I have listed these in the order of discomfort, not of the child, but of the adult care giver.

**Fecal Discharge**

For most, this normal occurrence causes the most distress. It is accompanied by soiling of clothing, bedding, care giver, stroller, car restraint seats, restaurant seating, etc.. It is always accompanied by distressful odor. Of course, to those with extra sensitive olfactory abilities, it is especially disagreeable. There are certain absolutely unchangeable DO NOTS in this area. I list these in order of the seriousness of the consequence.

A) Under NO circumstance should the digits be used to check for this phenomenon. Neither should the nose be introduced to the area surrounding the lower half of the infant's body. Only by visual observation should this information be obtained.

B) All areas surrounding the prone body of the infant should be draped or covered to prevent contamination.

C) Be sure that the baby's digits do not become contaminated. In case that happens, I would suggest a full body bath.

D) An dedicated container should be designated that will secure all contaminated non-washable items. These should be rushed to this area immediately upon removal from the infant's body. All items that can be refresh should be placed in that unit and sanitized immediately.

E) After addressing this matter, examine the surrounding area carefully, use air cleansing products or an ion air cleaner. During mild exterior temperature, open windows.

**Bladder Discharge**

Since the distress caused by this activity is especially pronounced in the male of any Human/Vulcan infant, the most I can say is never leave the male member exposed. It is truly amazing the distance such a discharge can travel to reach the infant's supposed target.

**Projectile Vomiting**

The occurrence of this phenomenon can never be predicted. It is especially distressful when the meal prior to this action contained green or orange substances. There is only one defense, STAY AWAY FROM AN INFANT BEING FED AND REMAIN OUT OF RANGE FOR AT LEAST ONE HOUR.

**Spitting**

This is an acquired activity. We would like to think it is some sort of scientific experience gone wrong. However, there are no studies to prove or disprove this conclusion. So, this concept is not theoretically sound. It is suggested that the adult also spit. Perhaps a colorful vessel could be employed, similar to an old Terran spittoon until this distasteful habit runs its course. Just a thought, limit the child's interaction with other children who are likewise fascinated with this activity.

**Biting**

I have found that the objection to this habit is highly over-rated. Under certain circumstances, biting is a good thing.

**Kicking and Hitting**

Since most martial arts involve these body movements, I would suggest early enrollment in classes requiring these disciplines.

**Refusal to Eat Required Nutriments**

It will not work to mention to such a child that somewhere in the known universe children such as he or she are without necessary sustenance. Since this statement is virtually an untruth, and children have amazing skills in interplanetary communication and would discover this fact, I would suggest that you put uneaten portions away and serve them to that child at the next meal and the next meal, and so on.

**Incessant Crying**

After checking a baby or young child to find a reason for their discomfort and finding none, my suggestion is simple, from a human point of view, have a good cry yourself. My observation is that the child stops to look at your behavior and decides that you are better at it than he or she or amazingly amusing, and thus stops his own activity to watch you. (This suggestion is directed only to the human parent)

**Chapter II**

What is the truth about the terrible two's?…


End file.
